Nice-to-know info whenever you’re the next contestant on WHEEL. OF. FORTUNE!!

Interestingly – for me, anyway – all the letters of my first and last names are within these top ten – except my first initials [K + C]. Hmmm ….

Image via 8fact.com.

The 100 Most Beautiful Words in the English Language? It’s possible.

According to Dr. Robert Beard, these are they. I must confess, I’m a fan of many of these … denouement, imbroglio, pastiche, scintilla. So very lovely, how they elegantly unfurl from the mouth.

Beard, 76yo, is a linguist specializing in morphology [the study of words]. He taught at Bucknell University for 35 years, leading the Russian and Linguistics Programs. Retiring as a univ prof in 2000, Beard founded the popular linguistic website, yourDictionary.com, writing under the pseudonym Dr. Language. Currently, he runs The Lexiteria, a language product and services company that operates alphaDictionary.com; he writes there under the pseudonym Dr. Goodword.

So, which word on this list is your favorite? Which other words should have been included?
And why aren’t there any K words at all?

My sweet husband and I will celebrate 19 years of wedded bliss this month.
And honestly, it’s been pretty blissful over all.

Among the myriad reasons we’re happy together is that we’re both very, very literary – and we love that about one another.

One of my favorite stories about my honey:

Several years ago, our local theatre was putting on a tribute to the music of jazz performer Fats Waller.

But their promotional marquee, located along a major thoroughfare, listed the musician’s name as “Fat’s Waller.”

My hubs couldn’t stand it. He pulled into the theatre’s parking lot, went up to the box office and explained to the unsuspecting woman working there that there is no apostrophe in the name Fats Waller. Or any name. Ever.

And, just double-checking, the show wasn’t about the waller [whatever that may be] of a man named Fat, was it?

Actually, my husband is nothing if not exceedingly well-mannered, so I’m sure his correction was extremely courteous. And you know what? They didn’t just write him off as a loon. They righted their sign.

That’s my man – making our world more grammatically correct, one apostrophe at a time.

It’s no wonder I love him so. 😉

Mr. Chris Rondeau
CEO, Planet Fitness
113 Crosby Road, Suite 15
Newington, NH 03801

Dear Mr. Rondeau,

I’m a professional business writer and self-confessed grammar geek from Austin, Texas, and I’m writing to both express my distress about and request a couple of corrections to your company’s marketing language.

I’m distressed about Planet Fitness’ use of the phrase “Judgement Free Zone.” While I understand and fully support your philosophy of offering an environment where gym members can exercise without feeling self-conscious, I must alert you to two blatant grammatical errors within the phrase “Judgement Free Zone.”

Error #1: Misspelling of Judgement

In American English, judgement is generally considered a misspelling of judgment for all uses of the word. In British English, judgment was traditionally preferred, but judgement has gained popularity over the past couple of centuries, so today, both spellings are common – in Great Britain. There is a web-based myth that judgement was the original spelling and judgment is a 19th-century American invention; this is simply untrue.

Error #2: Lack of hyphenation between Judgment and Free

In the phrase “Judgement Free Zone,” judgment and free work together as a single adjective describing zone: a zone that is free of judgment, or judgment-free. This compound modifier must be hyphenated. Without the hyphen, both judgment and free are working as separate adjectives, each describing zone – so you are effectively saying the zone is both a judgment zone [the opposite of your actual intention] and a free zone [wholly inaccurate, as your members all pay dues to work out in such a ‘zone’].

I urge you, now armed with these corrections, to change your company’s use of Judgement Free Zone to Judgment-Free Zone. Any company that can invent and trademark a clever term like lunk for its own marketing purposes can surely take care that all its marketing language is grammatically correct. Planet Fitness – the self-proclaimed “most innovative health club brand in the United States” – deserves no less.

Thank you in advance for your contribution to proper English use.

Best regards,
Kristen Card

Yes, I live in Austin. Yes, I’m married to a musician. Yes, I’m an uber-hipster. OK. Two out of three.

But I have no tattoos. [I’ll pause while you gasp.] Actually, I’ve vowed to my musician husband I’ll never tattoo while he’s still alive. Yeah, I guess we’re not uber-hipsters together.

But, if I were to tattoo [God rest his soul], then I believe I’d go with words over images. ‘Cause that’s how I roll.

But these may not be . . .

Good reminder, and easy to read, even as I age.

Lovely design, but I think I’d like it better right-side-up.

You really should be surer of what you want before permanently writing on your body.

Clever, but that’s a whole lotta giraffe goin’ on.

Seriously? What’s the message here? Dude, the English alphabet rules!!

Want to see more [who wouldn’t?]? Click here for 69 “inspirational” typography tattoos, ala Buzzfeed.

[Kindly ignore the mis-punctuation; it’s the sentiment to which I subscribe.]

You can call her a one-hit literary wonder as if it’s a critique, but let’s face it: when To Kill a Mockingbird is your one “hit,” one is puh.len.tee.

Nelle Harrper Lee, who celebrated 88 years of AWESOME yesterday, never wrote another novel, but she’s done some pretty cool stuff since TKAM was published 54 years ago.

In 1966, upon learning Virginia’s Hanover County School Board voted to remove her “immoral” book from all of its library shelves, Lee penned a particularly passionate letter to board members. In the missive, she questions the board members’ literacy, compares them to Orwellian dictators, and encloses “a small contribution … that I hope will be used to enroll the Board in any first grade of its choice.”

In 2006, Lee wrote an open letter for O magazine about her deep and abiding love for libraries and books: “Oprah, can you imaging curling up in bed to read a computer? Weeping for Anna Karenina and being terrified by Hannibal Lecter, entering the heart of darkness with Mistah Kurtz, having Holden Caulfield ring you up – some things should happen on soft pages, not cold metal.”

And, in 2007, Lee made a rare public appearance to accept the Presidential Medal of Freedom from George W. Bush, alongside fellow recipients geneticist Francis Collins and former House Foreign Affairs Committee chair Henry Hyde.

Incidentally, Lee absolutely approved of Horton Foote’s 1962 Academy-Award-winning screenplay adaptation of TKAM, calling it “one of the best translations of a book to film ever made.” She also became a good friend of the Oscar-winning onscreen Atticus Finch, Gregory Peck, and remains close to his family; his grandson, Harper Peck Voll, is named for her.

I’m a big believer in the power of gratitude – of practicing gratitude my own self, and of sharing my gratitude with the people who evoke it, to lift them up with the knowledge and acknowledgement that what they were or did for me made a positive difference. It mattered.

Plus, expressing thanks is just good manners, y’all. Remember the essentials, please & thank you? Well, it seems to me that we’re currently living in a acquisition-centric culture where please is the order of the day and thank you is wrongly losing rank.

For example, when’s the last time you wrote an actual pen-to-paper thank-you note?

No, the pen and the paper aren’t really the point. But truly, isn’t a handwritten missive, arriving in your metal mailbox via a human postal-carrier’s hand, more meaningful than its e-quivalent?

Yes. Yes, it is.

So, just in case you may be a tad rusty, here’s all you need to create a perfect thank-you note:

:: a small sheet of paper or notecard
:: a fitting envelope
:: a first-class stamp
:: a writing implement
:: someone to be thankful to for something, and his|her mailing address

:: A greeting – Something like Dear Wendy, works perfectly.

:: Sentence 1 – A statement of thanks for whatever it is your grateful for, simple and straightforward. Thank you very much for the generous gift card you sent me for my birthday.

:: Sentence 2 – Say something about the item, deed, what have you, that you especially appreciate. Amazon.com is my favorite spot to shop, so the gift card will definitely be put to good use – maybe on several online occasions!

:: Sentence 3 – Say something about the person that you especially appreciate. You’re such a kind and thoughtful gift-giver; having someone like you remember and celebrate my birthday each year really makes me feel like someone special.

:: Sentence 4 – Reiterate your thanks and add another personal note, if possible. Thanks again so much – I hope we can catch up in person over the summer … over margaritas??

:: A closing – Something like All the best, Kristen works perfectly.

Into the envelope, seal, stamp, address, mail. Done and done.

And well done! You just added a dose of humanity and a slice of joy to the world.
Because gratitude begets joy. Put four sentences together today and make someone happy.

[Regarding the image at the top: In 2010, Canadian author Yann Martel received a thoughtful thank-you note in response to his award-winning novel, Life of Pi, from father of two and free-world leader Barack Obama. This particular note doesn’t follow my four-sentence formula, but is a fine example of a beautifully and elegantly written thank-you nonetheless.]

Yea, verily – ’tis the 450th celebration of The Bard’s birth!

Which means ’tis time to spake like Shake! Wanteth to brush up your couplets [ok, that sounds a little dirty]? Mayhaps this guide [courtesy of talklikeshakespeare.org] will helpeth ye!

Or, in sooth, this song of hip and hop from the brothers q penned for “MC Shakes”:

Happy happy 450th birthday, Bill!

P.S. Signs you’re a Word Nerd, #423: Your jam? Shakespeare memes. True story.